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Change interface language 0:04 20 Signs you are Emotionally Mature
0:07 1 . You realise that most of the bad behaviour of other people really comes down to fear
0:14 and anxiety - rather than , as it is generally easier to presume , nastiness or idiocy . You
0:21 loosen your hold on self - righteousness and stop thinking of the world as populated by
0:26 either monsters or fools . It makes things less black and white at first , but in time ,
0:32 a great deal more interesting .
0:35 2 . You learn that what is in your head can’t automatically be understood by other people .
0:41 You realise that , unfortunately , you will have to articulate your intentions and feelings
0:46 with the use of words - and can’t fairly blame others for not getting what you mean
0:52 until you’ve spoken calmly and clearly .
0:56 3 . You learn that - remarkably - you do sometimes get things wrong . With huge courage , you take
1:04 your first faltering steps towards ( once in a while ) apologising .
1:09 4 . You learn to be confident not by realising that you’re great , but by learning that
1:15 everyone else is just as stupid , scared and lost as you are . We’re all making it up
1:22 as we go along , and that’s fine .
1:25 5 . You forgive your parents because you realise that they didn’t put you on this earth in
1:29 order to insult you . They were just painfully out of their depth and struggling with demons
1:35 of their own . Anger turns , at points , to pity and compassion .
1:40 6 . You learn the enormous influence of so - called ‘ small ’ things on mood : bed - times , blood
1:47 sugar and alcohol levels , degrees of background stress etc . And as a result , you learn never
1:54 to bring up an important , contentious issue with a loved one until everyone is well rested ,
1:59 no one is drunk , you’ve had some food , nothing else is alarming you and you aren’t rushing
2:05 7 . You give up sulking . If someone hurts you , you don’t store up the hatred and the hurt
2:11 for days . You remember you’ll be dead soon . You don’t expect others to know what’s
2:17 wrong . You tell them straight and if they get it , you forgive them . And if they don’t ,
2:22 in a different way , you forgive them too .
2:25 8 . You cease to believe in perfection in pretty much every area . There aren’t any perfect
2:31 people , perfect jobs or perfect lives . Instead , you pivot towards an appreciation of what
2:37 is ( to use the psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott’s exemplary phrase ) ‘ good enough . ’ You realise
2:44 that many things in your life are at once quite frustrating - and yet , in many ways ,
2:50 eminently good enough .
2:52 9 . You learn the virtues of being a little more pessimistic about how things will turn
2:58 out - and as a result , emerge as a calmer , more patient and more forgiving soul . You
3:04 lose some of your idealism and become a far less maddening person ( less impatient , less
3:11 10 . You learn to see that everyone’s weaknesses of character are linked to counter - balancing
3:16 strengths . Rather than isolating their weaknesses , you look at the whole picture : yes , someone
3:22 is rather pedantic , but they’re also beautifully precise and a rock at times of turmoil . Yes
3:29 someone is a bit messy , but at the same time brilliantly creative and very visionary . You
3:35 realise ( truly ) that perfect people don’t exist - and that every strength will be tagged
3:43 11 . You fall in love a bit less easily . It’s difficult , in a way . When you were less mature ,
3:49 you could develop a crush in an instant . Now , you’re poignantly aware that everyone , however
3:55 externally charming or accomplished , would be a bit of a pain from close up . You develop
4:01 loyalty to what you already have .
4:04 12 . You learn that you are - rather surprisingly - quite a difficult person to live with . You
4:09 shed some of your earlier sentimentality towards yourself . You go into friendships and relationships
4:15 offering others kindly warnings of how and when you might prove a challenge .
4:21 13 . You learn to forgive yourself for your errors and foolishness . You realise the unfruitful
4:27 self - absorption involved in simply flogging yourself for past misdeeds . You become more
4:33 of a friend to yourself . Of course you’re an idiot , but you’re still a loveable one ,
4:40 14 . You learn that part of what maturity involves is making peace with the stubbornly child - like
4:46 bits of you that will always remain . You cease trying to be a grown up at every occasion .
4:53 You accept that we all have our regressive moments - and when the inner two year old
4:57 you rears its head , you greet them generously and give them the attention they need .
5:04 15 . You cease to put too much hope in grand plans for the kind of happiness you expect
5:09 can last for years . You celebrate the little things that go well . You realise that satisfaction
5:16 comes in increments of minutes . You’re delighted if one day passes by without too much bother .
5:23 You take a greater interest in flowers and in the evening sky . You develop a taste for
5:30 16 . What people in general think of you ceases to be such a concern . You realise the minds
5:37 of others are muddled places and you don’t try so hard to polish your image in everyone
5:43 else’s eyes . What counts is that you and one or two others are OK with you being you .
5:50 You give up on fame and start to rely on love .
5:55 17 . You get better at hearing feedback . Rather than assuming that anyone who criticises you
6:00 is either trying to humiliate you or is making a mistake , you accept that maybe it would
6:05 be an idea to take a few things on board . You start to see that you can listen to a
6:11 criticism and survive it - without having to put on your armour and deny there was ever
6:18 18 . You realise the extent to which you tend to live , day by day , in too great a proximity
6:24 to certain of your problems and issues . You remember - more and more - that you need to
6:28 get perspective on things that pain you . You take more walks in nature , you might get a
6:35 pet ( they don’t fret like we do ) and you appreciate the distant galaxies above us in
6:43 19 . You recognise how your distinctive past colours your response to events - and learn
6:49 to compensate for the distortions that result . You accept that , because of how your childhood
6:55 went , you have a predisposition to exaggerate in certain areas . You become suspicious of
7:00 your own first impulses around particular topics . You realise - sometimes - not to go
7:08 20 . When you start a friendship , you realise that other people don’t principally want
7:13 to know your good news , so much as gain an insight into what troubles and worries you ,
7:20 so that they can in turn feel less lonely with the pains of their own hearts . You become
7:26 a better friend because you see that what friendship is really about is a sharing of
7:38 Our Emotional Barometer is a tool to help us more clearly explain our moods . Click the link on screen now to find out more .
